Thursday, August 14, 2014

Things I Love: Part 1

*The feeling that comes right after tons of company leaves, and the house is silent and still.
*Going to my loft to read or listen to music or just think.
*The twinkle of tiny lights amid the black night.
*Brushing my teeth.
*Breathing in the warm air when taking a shower.
*Listening to a really good song for the first time.
*Coming home and having my dogs greet me like it's been 10 years since they last saw me.
*Having a really good, long, nondramatic, talk with a friend about ideas rather than other people.
*Hot drinks in the Winter and cold drinks in the Summer.
*The first dive into a swimming pool.
*Having a baby say your name.
*The 4th of July.
*Going on a walk.
*Laying on the grass in my front yard while waiting to be picked up.
*Not having pneumonia. Which I can't get rid of for some reason.
*Waking up without an alarm clock. Probably the most relatable one on the list.
*Going to the grocery store.
*Walking through a book store.
*Strawberries or tomatoes from my yard.
*Cooking something new and having it be heavenly.
*Watching ANY Disney or Harry Potter movie.
*Remembering random childhood memories.
*Being really tired and finally getting into bed.
*When less time has passed than actually thought.
*Getting out of the car after driving for a few hours.
*Accomplishing something that took a lot of work.
*Polishing a song on the piano/guitar/vocal chords.
*Drinking a full glass of water when it has been desperately needed for a long time.
*Meditating, or those moments where all you are thinking about is your breathe.
*Seeing a Shakespeare play, any of them really.
*Riding a horse.
*Visiting new places, and the memories that follow.
*When people let you know that you have touched their lives.
*When people touch your life.
*Dole pineapple whip at Disneyland.
*Violins, those times when they swell.
*Waking up early and getting started on things right away. (This is rare, but wonderful thing).
*My parents' humor.
*Eclipse spearmint gum.
*Mint juleps.
*Zoos.
*Reading blog posts that make you sit for a second, dumbfounded about the beauty that you just read.
*Jane Austen. I know...I know...        ...also Downton Abbey...
*Meeting really kind, selfless people.
*Flying in an airplane.
*Playing games with friends like we are 7 year olds.
*Temple square at Christmas time.
*Temple square at Springtime.
*I Love Lucy, The Andy Griffith Show, and Bewitched.
*Being home alone.
*Hearing my aunt tell a story, and seeing her get WAY too into it.
*Being outside in the middle of the night, but so warm that you don't even need a jacket.

*Last but certainly not least, the sky. I am utterly obsessed with the sky. Every time you look at it, it's different. Every sunset is unique, and the texture of clouds are always random. I remember one time there was a storm, and half the sky was purple, and the purple swirled together with the storm clouds making a grayish purple monster beside the East mountain line. The middle of the sky was bright blue and the sun was setting making the west a piercing red. I hope you aren't getting too tired of me talking about the sun, I know a few of you might be. But I will never stop talking about the sun, for without it, this world, and all that we know, would be gone.

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Threads and Summer and Balloons and Canyons

  I'm off to the last road trip of the Summer. Now I can reflect on everything. This Summer was nothing like last Summer and I don't want to talk about it, but I wish this one could have been more like last year's. My skin is starting to peel from my sunburns/tans revealing the pale white that my skin will be for the next 9 months. Unlike last Summer, this one seems like a weekend, and now it's Sunday night and I just now remembered about all the homework I'm supposed to do. The whirlwind of events that have made up this Summer is a blur of regrets with few achievements. I've gotten scared of a lot of things lately, and one of them is that I'm going to be alone this next year. People are leaving my life, and even though I put my all into trying to get them back, it's not working. I'm losing it all. My friends, my parents, my wings, and my mind.
          Whenever my family goes places, the waiter/person greeting us/cashier always asks, "How are you?" and my dad always says jokingly, "oh, I'm hanging in there." But that is usually my actual answer these days. I'm hanging in there by a thread, a strong thread, but a thread none the less.


          I took a trip to the heavens yesterday, and let me tell you, it was quite a neat experience. Stars surrounded me, and I felt like anything was possible if I let it happen. It will be quite a long time until I get to go there again, but I was glad that I could go for a little bit yesterday. It helped me get my bearings straight in this crazy life.
          Meet me tonight in dream land. Let's escape this world for a little, and dream. Close your eyes with me so you can learn more about me than you already know. Let's have magic, let's go flying, let's defeat scary giants with our fire powers. Let us taste each other's lips. Let's drink from the shimmering water and play with the talking fish and create a world of our own. Let's have a three dimensional connection.
  The Summer is not even close to being over in my mind. Hailey, we need to remember to go up in the canyon like those cool kids. Haley, we need to have Ardon play ghost in the graveyard in your basement so that he knows what it means to be scared. Trevor, we still need to do something before you leave, Dom too. Kira, we need to watch Downton Abbey and I Love Lucy. Daria, I need to take you to the Tin Angel.

It's not over yet folks, we still have a week left. Let's make the most of it.

Monday, August 11, 2014

Black Folder

      Your so called "black folder" is so unattractive. I cringed when you first told me about it. We all have our "black folder" but some of us let it consume us. You have let it consume you. I want to help you so desperately, but you have to let me in. Try to remember who you are, for that person was beautiful inside and out. You are not the person that you used to be, and I'm one of those people who believe that there is still a bit of your old self in there somewhere.

Monday, August 4, 2014

Please Little Lamb...

        I know you aren't trying to hurt me, but that is what is hurting me the most. Can't you see that I treasure every moment I'm with you? I still have the letter you gave me a year ago, and I read it constantly. I bet you didn't know that I still have it. I don't even know if you remember writing it. Reading it makes me feel so complete. For the one minute that I read it, I actually feel like I've made an impact on someone's life. Then the words fade, and with it, the grand feeling. I want to believe that those words are still true, but it's starting to look just like ink on paper to me.
        Sometimes people leave you, halfway through the wood, but some will fade in and out. We have one year left until you fade out, and I hope you can fade in for some of the time before that. My biggest fear is regret. Don't make me regret our distance this next year. I love your honesty, your smile, your love, your realness. I thought I didn't need to put on a big show for you to stay, I still don't think I do, but that's what I'm doing right now. Please please please stay. I have this gut feeling that you are still supposed to teach me something. Or I'm suppose to teach you something, and you can't just ignore gut feelings. I know you don't see it as throwing everything away, but that is completely how I see it. I don't want to leave on a bad note. I want to leave feeling complete, good, finished. Not with my mouth agape with wonder, confusion, and regret. I hate that word: regret. Please please please don't be my biggest regret.

I felt ok holding you,
I didn't feel fire but I felt comforted,
You are the lost lamb that can't be found,
Just as I find you,
You run away again.

Now I'm lost looking for you,
The worry that your gone for good,
The feeling that I need to look a little harder,
The regret that I hope won't follow.

Please be one less regret in my life.

 


Sunday, August 3, 2014

Goodbye

          The most painful goodbye is one that is not explained. So here it goes...


To the Demons,
        Nobody likes you, go home.
Love,
Jack


To the person I've never met,
        I used to be like you... no, I really did. I assumed things like crazy, but I've learned the simple but completely true statement: "there is more to people than meets the eye." I used to use just my eyes, but then I learned how to use my heart. It's really fun, I would try it sometime.
Love,
The person you hate


To the girl who once was on fire,
        You used to radiate light, now you radiate something else, and I feel like I now why. I just hope I'm wrong. My advice: don't let their mistakes define them, look at how they recover. I'm sick of saying sorry, so I'm going to say goodbye.
Love,
Your igniter


To the girl with the hatred,
        You wish people would change, I wish that you would find people that you don't think need changing.
Love,
The person you stole from


To the man with his mouth on fire,
        You have taught me many valuable lessons, but I think that the semester is over. I hope we can meet again under a different light.
Love,
Your biggest fan


To the red shirt,
        I don't want to say goodbye, but it's for the better. We will meet again soon.
Love,
Jack


To the balloon,
        Let out some air, it might be good for you. De-stress yourself man, there is no reason for all this hot air. Let it out slowly, I'll see you soon.
Love,
The needle


To the girl who can't sort out her priorities,
        I've pretty much never seen you do anything for anyone else. Everything is about you. You need to sort out what is important. Serve others, and work hard for things you believe in. Take these two things, please.
Love,
Your friend


To the person I thought I knew,
        You tricked me, and I feel dooped. I thought your heart was warm, but it turned out it was cold as moonlight.
Love,
That person you are trying to forget


To the small one,
        When you see me, you jump up and down and scream and laugh. I guess it's all just a performance, and I don't like just being your audience. I wish we could have just been equals.
Love,
The person you forgot.


To the wasted time,
        Life is too short for time that is not spent doing something productive. Hard work is challenging but it is one of the most rewarding things that I can do.
Love,
Jack